What does it mean to be mortal

I know, I know it's an odd subject to bring up, but interestingly when you realise that you are mortal or no longer immortal your world of thinking does change.

For me I think it is for the better, why you may ask?

Well for starters you are free, to live life to the full, because you know there is an end point, now in the back of our minds you might say we all know there is an end point but the reality is we all think we will live forever until a life changing moment comes along and that is what happened to me 13 years ago and if I thought I had forgotten this! I have now had a very sharp reminder!

How do I feel about this, it's a good question if you asked it....I actually feel at peace as I have lived with the notion of mortality for a long time and with cancer its always a stark reminder of how fragile life can be, this time around I am surprisingly calm (well at the moment 😝), I trust the doctors and I am sure they will do everything in their power and with their skills to extend my end point.

Interestingly I had a stent inserted into my carotid artery a year ago (90% blocked and probable cause was from the radiotherapy) and I thought more about dying then than I have ever done with cancer and for months after what was a very successful procedure. Maybe combined with the fact my sister passed away very suddenly extended these thoughts.

So what changed for me - well I learned to ride motorbikes and race them, I learned to scuba dive, got my advanced open water PADI and have dived some amazing places around the world and on a few occasions what has been special is to have dived with my son. 

One of the biggest lessons I have learned which I may have mentioned already is clearing what is irrelevant from your mind, as it is a pointless exercise and a waste of precious time, it can irritate you and it certainly does me, but in my mind a now look at what is relevant, your love for your family, seeing them grow into wonderful people, the joy of grandchildren and again seeing them grow with their mischievous grins and amazing laughs, realising who your real friends are and not wasting time on hanger's on, and of course travelling, I have so many favourite places but here are a few:

Madikwe, South Africa

Byron Bay, Australia

Waiheke Island, New Zealand

New Orleans, French Quarter, USA

Cornwall, UK

and also my home, I actually love where I live

But, there are many other places, in South Africa, Argentina, New Zealand, Cambodia to name a few

This quote really resonates with me:

 

"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is not living your life"

So now into this week and its a big one:
appointment tomorrow at the Royal Marsden after which a big decision to make around the surgery options - open surgery or robotic (if its offered tomorrow)

I've had my Neck CT scan bought forward to this Thursday to check on my stent

I then have two sessions on really fun stuff around a tube being inserted into my stomach for post operative feeding ouch!😬

Updates to follow