One Year since surgery

 It seems remarkable that 12 months ago to the day I went into the Churchill Blenheim Head & Neck unit for surgery for the cancer on my tongue - one year! 

And I am still here and what looks like so far with no reoccurrence! This is a massive milestone and with most recurrences occurring within the first 1-2 years I am half way through this gateway, so a very positive position as it stands. 

I had an MRI a few weeks ago, I haven't had the results yet but I’m using the 'no news is good news" notion that if there was a problem I am sure I would have heard something by now. My next checkup in on the 23rd July, so will no doubt get the full report then. This MRI is really my ground zero, everything now is about moving forward and enjoying life.

To add to the good news, my protruding tooth, bridge, and front implant have finally been removed! What a relief—it has already made eating so much easier., added to this the rear implant has been retained and the dentistry team believe they can rebuild a "larger" molar that will reduce the gap size and enable me to have more bite.

So after a year things are slowly getting back to some form of normality, Prof. Winter always envisaged it taking at least a year and I would say he is spot on.

When I look back over the past year it has been a proper journey, some massive ups and downs, a lot of very dark places and some great points throughout as well. I have certainly learnt a lot about my body (good and bad), through keeping going to the gym I feel healthy, I have been practicing my golf and feel I can go out on the course again now, so this is an upside to moving forward, and of course along with my growing family, my son gets married in a few months time there is so much to look forward to.

Some very sad news - actually gut wrenching

I did yesterday receive some devastating news that one of my oldest and best friend passed away whilst on holiday. 

I have known Roger (and his wife Caroline) for over 40 years, we have holidayed together many times visiting Argentina just a couple of years ago in 2023, skied numerous times with our families, visiting me in South Africa and recently we have caught up a few times in Cornwall.

He was very easy going, although very competitive we did have our moments 😜😜 but a great friend, easy to get along with, was a bit frugal 😜 until he retired where he would then buy a round 😂😂 but it was a quirky thing that in some ways was endearing as we could laugh and joke about it. 

He was a kind hearted soul, loved his wife and his family and whilst we didn't live in each other pockets. I as am sure he did as I did, always knew the other was there if it ever came to it. Which it has now - I actually thought with what I have had going on over the past year it would be the other way around so I'm just shocked to the core with this tragic news. We will help Caroline however we can.

We had a weekend in Cornwall a couple of months ago, played a round of golf (first time for me back on a course in the UK) and it was like we'd only seen each other the day before, albeit it was probably several months before. We could talk about anything, there was no bias or politics, just good friends. I will miss him dearly

Roger and me in Buenos Aires with the merman Prince Harry, a great trip even with cancelled flights, dodgy car hire, iffy tummy (on my part) and arguing over paying $10 more for a bottle of wine - but hey its what friendship is all about and we saw some great sights, which I hope is built into his memory for his onward journey.

Rest in Peace Roger, we love you dearly and will miss you very much

I think if anything it teaches me one lesson, especially if you've been ill that friends are worth staying in touch with. an obvious comment but one that is easily overlooked. I am not the best at this and can moan if I have to travel anywhere to meet up, but this shock has reminded me deeply, we are not around forever, I know this so well, it should be about staying in touch, meeting up more frequently even if you don't think you have time - you do so make time! life lessons are tough enough without having regrets. 

The past is written but today is my chance to turn over a new leaf and start a new chapter. Stop feeling sorry for my self and using my cancer as an excuse, focus now is to meet people more frequently, truly enjoy their company and stay in touch and most importantly, be thankful to have such good friends and family around me

One year on

 One year on from my diagnosis I received from the meeting I had with Prof.Winter. To say I expected what he had to say was an understatement, yes I realised it was cancer and on my tongue. What I didn't expect was the options or lack of them and the complexity of what I would go through.

1. Chemo not going to work

2. Radiotherapy I couldn't have as I had already had it in my neck and a potential major risk of blowing up my carotid artery

3. Immunotherapy - they were going to check but weren't expected it to be an option

4. Robotic surgery - They didn't believe this would work as the tumour was large and in a complicated place - but referred me to the Marsden

It came down to "open surgery" and I have covered most of this already in this blog, it is still fresh in my memory, arduous at best for want of a better word!

But the real light bulb moment was the "if you do nothing, we can provide palliative care and you may last a year". Having had cancer before you do realise you are no longer immortal, but this really hit home - one year, 12 months, 365 days, 8760 hours - it suddenly does not sound that long, especially when you still have loads to do.

I chose the option to stay in this world, have the surgery, put my trust in the surgical team and once through it see what lies ahead.

I had the operation in June 2025, to all intents and purposes it has been a success, I am still here, it plays through my mind everyday, but far more positive now than back in June - how long do I have who knows, in fact who knows how long any of us have, but what I do know is that I will fight everyday to be here, to enjoy and help my family, watch them grow into the amazing people that they are

It has been all quiet for a while

 Well not really for any specific reason, but just been really concentrating on trying to feel well, eat normally and start to build my life as back to normal as I can.

It seems strange saying that, after all I don't really know what the new normal is or should be, what I do know is that a year ago next week I was given a year to live if I did nothing and the fact I am still here, and getting back strength and health is a great achievement. Life saving surgery, the pain and agony you go through its definitely all worth it, when you see your daughter marry, another of my daughters having our fourth grandchild and to look forward later this year to my son getting married, all of which could have been through such a different lens - if I had done nothing, so you have to do something, fight to live, enjoy your life.

These are easy things to actually say, but putting into practice is not so easy. I have found recovery far more difficult than I expected. The surgery and the "repair" of this I think is the easy part, yes you have difficult moments as with all surgery, but the body has a remarkable way of recovering this, yes I am left with scars, but actually in some ways I am glad as this is a constant reminder of why I fought this and will always remain in my thoughts.

The harder part is the mental thinking of recovery, yes I can put on a brave face and say everything is good, of course, and most of the time as you feel better this is true, as I eat a more varied diet now that my "fifth limb" being my PEG tube has been removed this has progressed well, but I still find chewing a challenge, even though my teeth feel better it is like re-learning to eat, swallowing again much better, but still have a few challenges.

I have always thought my mental health has been strong, and again most of the time I think it is, but, you definitely have these dark moments which are triggered by all sorts of things, not being able to eat something properly, thinking your family ignore you when they don't, my wife saying something that is not bad and generally helpful but feel you take it the wrong way, stupid things kick off these thoughts, which as well lead (well for me) into dark dreams. I used to have this constant dream or nightmare that I was in a trench somewhere it's pouring down with rain and having to move out and face the enemy (I don't even know who that enemy is - maybe its cancer?), so I got ChatGPT to give me an image of this and apart from me not being in combat dress it probably resonates very well with where I am sometimes

I try and counter this by keeping busy, but even this doesn't work some of the time, so I find I have a very standard routine, when I would rather be living life to the full! I can't travel as much, its to tiring, I don't really want to get on trains as they are to busy so I don't travel to London, when I should just do it to break the monotony, I want to ride my motorbike, but I worry that my focus may not be right, plus the weather has been shit!

So, I find myself, working from home, calls on Teams, walking my lovely dogs, have a dark hot chocolate in Gail's and at least now having golf lessons, watching my local rugby team play (and win) unlike the crap football team I support - although to be honest I can't say for much longer as the enjoyment of football for me has gone - the greed seems to override everything in the game these days, and then of course buying shit I don't need.

So, change is afoot - I have decided the only way to sell my wellbeing application is to meet customers face to face, get out on the golf course and not just go to the driving range, start to travel again, make my days special even if its only a small thing.

One year on from diagnosis and I am still here, that in itself has been an amazing journey, with a lot off dark roads and dead ends that I could have ended down. I am now driving down the straight road of living my life and this year it will be to the full, already done Dubai, played golf with my good friend there, back there in June (hopefully), Cornwall at Easter, Italy in May, celebrating my brother-in-laws 60th on the South Downs, Cornwall for my sons wedding at the end of August, playing more golf again, getting my bike out and hopefully finally finishing the restoration of my Series 3 Land Rover, so loads to do 😊

Best wishes to all, enjoy living, stay healthy but most important have fun especially with your family and friends

Take care until the next time 💝

As we enter the Festive Season

 I am pleased to announce my PEG feeding tube has been removed and I am almost back to normal 😜

I used this feeding tube a lot since April this year and now it's gone it does feel a bit strange, but very positive progress. whilst they had a mooch around in my stomach they did find 3 polyps which they biopsied so we'll get the results of those in a few weeks no doubt, so won't worry about that just now!

As we move into the Festive Season I would again like to take this opportunity to thank all for the support I have received through what has been one of the most difficult periods of my life, but, I am still here where it could have so easily have been the other way with this cancer, so I am grateful for every day now and hope this Christmas for me will be special as those before and those in the future

Finally as I close down for now, I wish you all a happy, healthy and prosperous New Year 

BEST WISHES 

As we enter December

We enter the festive period and there is much to celebrate:

The birth of our fourth grandchild, a beautiful baby girl

My nieces wedding day

birthdays, and sadly a funeral, my daughter and her boyfriend completing on their house, my eldest daughter starting her own business, these are all great experiences for all involved, happy and sad, amazing and scary, and what I could have possibly missed.

I am so grateful to all my family and friends for the support, doesn't need big things, just a message here or there is immense when you receive such things its actually quite special, so thanks to all those that came to see me, sent messages wishing me well, I really have appreciated everything.

It seems my jaw is repairing itself, but its fragile so I have to take things easy for a few more weeks, as I haven't got another chance to fix it, so staying away from chewing (which to be honest I think I have to learn this again) and not putting pressure on my jaw, my teeth feel weird, as does my tongue where it obviously has been impacted by my second surgery.

I attended the funeral of my friend who passed away recently from cancer, a very nice ceremony, well attended and a pleasure to be there, but also to meet friends I hadn't seen for a long time and to hear many of then had suffered with cancer, its a bitch of an illness!!

This time last year I had no idea what I would go through, as I have said previously its been brutal, a tough year, but a year if I had done nothing I would probably not be sending this message, but I have life to look forward to again, I don't know how long for maybe a year or two, maybe twenty years, but I will enjoy every single day, whether I am busy or just enjoying being at home doing nothing. I will celebrate with my family, my sons wedding next year (and maybe my daughter's 😜), I will enjoy friendships old and maybe new, travel again, start to enjoy my food and of course wine. I will play golf again - badly no doubt, but I'll play, continue to be disappointed by the football team I support, but hey thats ok just enjoy the wins and moan about the losses 😂😂

If anyone reading this is suffering with cancer or some other terrible illness, I know first hand the comments made about "being strong", "don't worry you'll get through it", "you'll be fine" - all meant in the right spirit of support but also when made they don't really know what your thinking or feeling, or truly how tough the journey is! or that you've it enough

I look at the difference between this comment - I made it up btw  

"I am not walking round the corner to the newsagents, I am walking up Everest - backwards!" 

"But I have made it to the summit, the sun is shining, a new day begins and I have an easy walk back down, with a big smile on my face and an amazing view that I can look at forever."

Whatever festivities you celebrate at this time of year, I wish you happiness, healthiness and to be safe through them and for the New Year, Best wishes! 💜💜

My Journey is coming to an end

 IN A GOOD WAY!

so over the past week its been good news, finally getting to a point where I can get on with living and enjoying life once again.

I have to admit I did not realise the inner strength I have had to get through this, tough is an understated word in this context, its been brutal and you need all the strength and belief in yourself to get through this.

 I think I may mentioned earlier the letter I got outlining what I would go through and thinking then that in words it sounded worse than when Prof. Winter explained everything to me in our meeting. Well I think I can honestly say its been traumatic - you question has it been worth it, there is an obvious answer of course but when the odds of this particular cancer returning within 5 years and what you might have to go through then, even if they will do anything is a difficult thought to take in. I would always choose to fight and live as long as I can to be with my family and give them as much as I possibly can whilst I still can.

So to the good news:

First it looks like my jaw surgery has worked and I'll find out on Thursday this week, the jaw feels much better and it has improved my swallowing, you wouldn't think a slight misalignment would make that much difference but oh yes - huge!

I've finished these antibiotics finally, that was weird, with weird thoughts and almost feeling depressed, so good to be off them

Been to the endocrine clinic today and basically have been told that they are not even sure if there is a tumour in my thyroid, so nothing to do, except over time now this will be reviewed as I have scans on my neck.

I start my lymphoedema recovery in a couple of weeks which will also help with my swallowing and to reduce the swelling in my neck, this is initially for 6 weeks but sound like it then reduces down but may continue for a while, we'll have to wait and see 😊

But, the best news, my cancer has gone, they have cleared it, and the MRI showed it was clear, the health warning is continual monitoring, which is fine, every month, then maybe every 3 months and so on, so can really start getting back to normal without this cloud hanging over me.

I will continue to post from time to time, but feel that as this journey ends I will start a new one back in the real world, and enjoying every minute of life, remembering that from here on in, everyday is special and to be enjoyed.

so, to all those that have followed this blog, thanks for your interest, I appreciate you taking the time to read this story, and for anyone who maybe suffering with cancer I hope this helps you in some way

THANKS! 💙😍

23rd October 2025

 The day arrives, in what seems to have been a very long week, but I feel positive and want too get this over and done with. I will be staying in hospital overnight which is ok, I know the ward so all good!

Arrive at the Churchill Hospital for 11:00, am ushered straight through to the prep area, and see the anaesthetist who walks me through the procedure in detail.

I then see the Maxilla-facial registrar who explains in great detail (which is really good) the whole operation and what to expect. He makes it clear they will not be removing any teeth but will try and reposition them if they can, the primary objective is to fix the jaw and realign it.

This is more complex for a couple of reasons, 1. the infection I had they need to ensure this is cleared away and may have damaged the bone, 2. because I have had radiotherapy before this could slowdown the healing process and again cause infection, the last thing you want and can easily get exposed to from this is osteonecrosis so again things to be considered during the procedure

13:15 I'm off to the theatre, walk down which is always a bit intimidating, down a narrow corridor, loads of surgeons waiting at various theatres for there next "victim" 😂😂 and I arrive at theatre 3 - the theatre is setup where you only see the anaesthetists suite, they get you laid down, talk through what's going to happen, put the local in your nose and mouth so they can insert the breathing tube easier - this has to go down through my nose as they are obviously working around my mouth. They the put the sedation in followed by the anaesthetic and thats the last your remember

17:00 I come round in the recovery area, I've been here before, but its quite overpowering as there is a lot going on, a lot of people in there, nurses milling around looking seriously at screens. My recovery nurse is Anya, a lovely Polish girl who takes care of me, she tells me about where she is from and the lovely city it is and we talk about the salt mines in Krakow which she shows me pictures of that are stunning. I nurse comes in from the ward, not a very pleasant young lady after a couple of hours who happily tells me I won't be her patient but that I'll go to the ward shortly, she didn't give a shit! and I guess she was playing for time as the ward shift changes at 20:00 and she obviously couldn't be arsed to take in a new patient. the good news is I know the ward sister who is on the nightshift and she is lovely, so no lose really

21:00 Get transferred to the ward, where I am looked after by a lovely nurse Susan who actually looked after me before, she is very nice and very helpful. The one difference I have noticed this time around is the pain! loads of it FFS! but she sorts me out with codine and some other stuff (name escapes me) which reduces the pain but I can't sleep, I think its something about being in hospital with me, but I am up and about go for a pee which is always a good sign and take a walk down thew corridor without any issues

I doze on and off for a few hours, have more drugs, sit up in the chair, read my book, have a feed through my tube.

Mr Prabhu comes and sees me later in the morning, tells me all went well and its important to now move my jaw as least a possible to help with the healing, he tells me to organise for my stitches to be removed on the 4th November and to see him for a followup on the 13th and that in the afternoon around 17:00 after I have had two more rounds of antibiotics I can go home.

Carol, picks me up around 17:00, I have more drugs to take now with some heavy hitting antibiotics and pain relief, the pain has been pretty strong, far more noticeable than last time and I can feel every movement. But, the good news is my swallowing seems to be way improved as one of the drugs I have to swallow and can't crush and put through the tube.

One thing I checked on my app (My Friend in case you've forgotten 😜) was if there is a misalignment with your jaw does this cause swallowing problems and this was the answer: "when the jaw doesn't fuse properly or is out of alignment, it can indeed lead to difficulties with swallowing, among other issues. Misalignment can affect how the muscles and joints work together potentially leading to discomfort or problems with chewing and swallowing" Pretty good answer don't you think, imagine trying to get that answer through the 100+ pages you'd get shit on this from Google 😜, the nice thing though is it also tells you to discuss with your surgeon or your healthcare specialist.

So I am hoping going forward my swallowing will now improve a lot I can start to chew food and move onto the next stage of getting rid of this PEG (feeding tube) as its a real drain on your morale and spirits. I have been told not to eat or drink anything for two weeks whilst this heals, and I can't wait to get past this stage now.

Over the last few days the pain has subsided to where I am taking just paracetamol a couple of times a day which is a marked improvement even before surgery, but I am not on a a really strong antibiotic with loads of potential side effects that makes me nervous, its called ciprofloxacin, which they prescribed over the weekend based on the "bug" they found from the plate they removed, so pretty heavyweight drug along with loads of others, anyway so far so good with no effects, lets hope it stays that way

Until next time....thnaks for reading