It has been all quiet for a while

 Well not really for any specific reason, but just been really concentrating on trying to feel well, eat normally and start to build my life as back to normal as I can.

It seems strange saying that, after all I don't really know what the new normal is or should be, what I do know is that a year ago next week I was given a year to live if I did nothing and the fact I am still here, and getting back strength and health is a great achievement. Life saving surgery, the pain and agony you go through its definitely all worth it, when you see your daughter marry, another of my daughters having our fourth grandchild and to look forward later this year to my son getting married, all of which could have been through such a different lens - if I had done nothing, so you have to do something, fight to live, enjoy your life.

These are easy things to actually say, but putting into practice is not so easy. I have found recovery far more difficult than I expected. The surgery and the "repair" of this I think is the easy part, yes you have difficult moments as with all surgery, but the body has a remarkable way of recovering this, yes I am left with scars, but actually in some ways I am glad as this is a constant reminder of why I fought this and will always remain in my thoughts.

The harder part is the mental thinking of recovery, yes I can put on a brave face and say everything is good, of course, and most of the time as you feel better this is true, as I eat a more varied diet now that my "fifth limb" being my PEG tube has been removed this has progressed well, but I still find chewing a challenge, even though my teeth feel better it is like re-learning to eat, swallowing again much better. but still have a few challenges.

I have always thought my mental health has been strong, and again most of the time I think it is, but, you definitely have these dark moments which are triggered by all sorts of things, not being able to eat something properly, thinking your family ignore you when they don't, my wife saying something that is not bad and generally helpful but feel you take it the wrong way, stupid things kick off these thoughts, which as well lead (well for me) into dark dreams. I used to have this constant dream or nightmare that I was in a trench somewhere it's pouring down with rain and having to move out and face the enemy (I don't even know who that was), so I got ChatGPT to give me an image of this and apart from me not being in combat dress it probably resonates very well with where I am sometimes

I try and counter this by keeping busy, but even this doesn't work some of the time, so I find I have a very standard routine, when I would rather be living life to the full! I can't travel as much, its to tiring, I don't really want to get on trains as they are to busy so I don't travel to London, when I should just do it to break the monotony, I want to ride my motorbike, but I worry that my focus may not be right, plus the weather has been shit!

So, I find myself, working from home, calls on Teams, walking my lovely dogs, have a dark hot chocolate in Gail's and at least now having golf lessons, watching my local rugby team play (and win) unlike the crap football team I support - although to be honest I can't say for much longer as the enjoyment of football for me has gone - the greed seems to override everything in the game these days, and then of course buying shit I don't need.

So, change is afoot - I have decided the only way to sell my wellbeing application is to meet customers face to face, get out on the golf course and not just go to the driving range, start to travel again, make my days special even if its only a small thing.

One year on from diagnosis and I am still here, that in itself has been an amazing journey, with a lot off dark roads and dead ends that I could have ended down. I am now driving down the straight road of living my life and this year it will be to the full, already done Dubai, played golf with my good friend there, back there in June (hopefully), Cornwall at Easter, Italy in May, celebrating my brotgher-in-laws 60th on the South Downs, Cornwall for my sons wedding at the end of August, playing more golf again, getting my bike out and hopefully finally finishing the restoration of my Series 3 Land Rover, so loads to do 😊

Best wishes to all, enjoy living, stay healthy but most important have fun especially with your family and friends

Take care until the next time 💝

As we enter the Festive Season

 I am pleased to announce my PEG feeding tube has been removed and I am almost back to normal 😜

I used this feeding tube a lot since April this year and now it's gone it does feel a bit strange, but very positive progress. whilst they had a mooch around in my stomach they did find 3 polyps which they biopsied so we'll get the results of those in a few weeks no doubt, so won't worry about that just now!

As we move into the Festive Season I would again like to take this opportunity to thank all for the support I have received through what has been one of the most difficult periods of my life, but, I am still here where it could have so easily have been the other way with this cancer, so I am grateful for every day now and hope this Christmas for me will be special as those before and those in the future

Finally as I close down for now, I wish you all a happy, healthy and prosperous New Year 

BEST WISHES 

As we enter December

We enter the festive period and there is much to celebrate:

The birth of our fourth grandchild, a beautiful baby girl

My nieces wedding day

birthdays, and sadly a funeral, my daughter and her boyfriend completing on their house, my eldest daughter starting her own business, these are all great experiences for all involved, happy and sad, amazing and scary, and what I could have possibly missed.

I am so grateful to all my family and friends for the support, doesn't need big things, just a message here or there is immense when you receive such things its actually quite special, so thanks to all those that came to see me, sent messages wishing me well, I really have appreciated everything.

It seems my jaw is repairing itself, but its fragile so I have to take things easy for a few more weeks, as I haven't got another chance to fix it, so staying away from chewing (which to be honest I think I have to learn this again) and not putting pressure on my jaw, my teeth feel weird, as does my tongue where it obviously has been impacted by my second surgery.

I attended the funeral of my friend who passed away recently from cancer, a very nice ceremony, well attended and a pleasure to be there, but also to meet friends I hadn't seen for a long time and to hear many of then had suffered with cancer, its a bitch of an illness!!

This time last year I had no idea what I would go through, as I have said previously its been brutal, a tough year, but a year if I had done nothing I would probably not be sending this message, but I have life to look forward to again, I don't know how long for maybe a year or two, maybe twenty years, but I will enjoy every single day, whether I am busy or just enjoying being at home doing nothing. I will celebrate with my family, my sons wedding next year (and maybe my daughter's 😜), I will enjoy friendships old and maybe new, travel again, start to enjoy my food and of course wine. I will play golf again - badly no doubt, but I'll play, continue to be disappointed by the football team I support, but hey thats ok just enjoy the wins and moan about the losses 😂😂

If anyone reading this is suffering with cancer or some other terrible illness, I know first hand the comments made about "being strong", "don't worry you'll get through it", "you'll be fine" - all meant in the right spirit of support but also when made they don't really know what your thinking or feeling, or truly how tough the journey is! or that you've it enough

I look at the difference between this comment - I made it up btw  

"I am not walking round the corner to the newsagents, I am walking up Everest - backwards!" 

"But I have made it to the summit, the sun is shining, a new day begins and I have an easy walk back down, with a big smile on my face and an amazing view that I can look at forever."

Whatever festivities you celebrate at this time of year, I wish you happiness, healthiness and to be safe through them and for the New Year, Best wishes! 💜💜

My Journey is coming to an end

 IN A GOOD WAY!

so over the past week its been good news, finally getting to a point where I can get on with living and enjoying life once again.

I have to admit I did not realise the inner strength I have had to get through this, tough is an understated word in this context, its been brutal and you need all the strength and belief in yourself to get through this.

 I think I may mentioned earlier the letter I got outlining what I would go through and thinking then that in words it sounded worse than when Prof. Winter explained everything to me in our meeting. Well I think I can honestly say its been traumatic - you question has it been worth it, there is an obvious answer of course but when the odds of this particular cancer returning within 5 years and what you might have to go through then, even if they will do anything is a difficult thought to take in. I would always choose to fight and live as long as I can to be with my family and give them as much as I possibly can whilst I still can.

So to the good news:

First it looks like my jaw surgery has worked and I'll find out on Thursday this week, the jaw feels much better and it has improved my swallowing, you wouldn't think a slight misalignment would make that much difference but oh yes - huge!

I've finished these antibiotics finally, that was weird, with weird thoughts and almost feeling depressed, so good to be off them

Been to the endocrine clinic today and basically have been told that they are not even sure if there is a tumour in my thyroid, so nothing to do, except over time now this will be reviewed as I have scans on my neck.

I start my lymphoedema recovery in a couple of weeks which will also help with my swallowing and to reduce the swelling in my neck, this is initially for 6 weeks but sound like it then reduces down but may continue for a while, we'll have to wait and see 😊

But, the best news, my cancer has gone, they have cleared it, and the MRI showed it was clear, the health warning is continual monitoring, which is fine, every month, then maybe every 3 months and so on, so can really start getting back to normal without this cloud hanging over me.

I will continue to post from time to time, but feel that as this journey ends I will start a new one back in the real world, and enjoying every minute of life, remembering that from here on in, everyday is special and to be enjoyed.

so, to all those that have followed this blog, thanks for your interest, I appreciate you taking the time to read this story, and for anyone who maybe suffering with cancer I hope this helps you in some way

THANKS! 💙😍

23rd October 2025

 The day arrives, in what seems to have been a very long week, but I feel positive and want too get this over and done with. I will be staying in hospital overnight which is ok, I know the ward so all good!

Arrive at the Churchill Hospital for 11:00, am ushered straight through to the prep area, and see the anaesthetist who walks me through the procedure in detail.

I then see the Maxilla-facial registrar who explains in great detail (which is really good) the whole operation and what to expect. He makes it clear they will not be removing any teeth but will try and reposition them if they can, the primary objective is to fix the jaw and realign it.

This is more complex for a couple of reasons, 1. the infection I had they need to ensure this is cleared away and may have damaged the bone, 2. because I have had radiotherapy before this could slowdown the healing process and again cause infection, the last thing you want and can easily get exposed to from this is osteonecrosis so again things to be considered during the procedure

13:15 I'm off to the theatre, walk down which is always a bit intimidating, down a narrow corridor, loads of surgeons waiting at various theatres for there next "victim" 😂😂 and I arrive at theatre 3 - the theatre is setup where you only see the anaesthetists suite, they get you laid down, talk through what's going to happen, put the local in your nose and mouth so they can insert the breathing tube easier - this has to go down through my nose as they are obviously working around my mouth. They the put the sedation in followed by the anaesthetic and thats the last your remember

17:00 I come round in the recovery area, I've been here before, but its quite overpowering as there is a lot going on, a lot of people in there, nurses milling around looking seriously at screens. My recovery nurse is Anya, a lovely Polish girl who takes care of me, she tells me about where she is from and the lovely city it is and we talk about the salt mines in Krakow which she shows me pictures of that are stunning. I nurse comes in from the ward, not a very pleasant young lady after a couple of hours who happily tells me I won't be her patient but that I'll go to the ward shortly, she didn't give a shit! and I guess she was playing for time as the ward shift changes at 20:00 and she obviously couldn't be arsed to take in a new patient. the good news is I know the ward sister who is on the nightshift and she is lovely, so no lose really

21:00 Get transferred to the ward, where I am looked after by a lovely nurse Susan who actually looked after me before, she is very nice and very helpful. The one difference I have noticed this time around is the pain! loads of it FFS! but she sorts me out with codine and some other stuff (name escapes me) which reduces the pain but I can't sleep, I think its something about being in hospital with me, but I am up and about go for a pee which is always a good sign and take a walk down thew corridor without any issues

I doze on and off for a few hours, have more drugs, sit up in the chair, read my book, have a feed through my tube.

Mr Prabhu comes and sees me later in the morning, tells me all went well and its important to now move my jaw as least a possible to help with the healing, he tells me to organise for my stitches to be removed on the 4th November and to see him for a followup on the 13th and that in the afternoon around 17:00 after I have had two more rounds of antibiotics I can go home.

Carol, picks me up around 17:00, I have more drugs to take now with some heavy hitting antibiotics and pain relief, the pain has been pretty strong, far more noticeable than last time and I can feel every movement. But, the good news is my swallowing seems to be way improved as one of the drugs I have to swallow and can't crush and put through the tube.

One thing I checked on my app (My Friend in case you've forgotten 😜) was if there is a misalignment with your jaw does this cause swallowing problems and this was the answer: "when the jaw doesn't fuse properly or is out of alignment, it can indeed lead to difficulties with swallowing, among other issues. Misalignment can affect how the muscles and joints work together potentially leading to discomfort or problems with chewing and swallowing" Pretty good answer don't you think, imagine trying to get that answer through the 100+ pages you'd get shit on this from Google 😜, the nice thing though is it also tells you to discuss with your surgeon or your healthcare specialist.

So I am hoping going forward my swallowing will now improve a lot I can start to chew food and move onto the next stage of getting rid of this PEG (feeding tube) as its a real drain on your morale and spirits. I have been told not to eat or drink anything for two weeks whilst this heals, and I can't wait to get past this stage now.

Over the last few days the pain has subsided to where I am taking just paracetamol a couple of times a day which is a marked improvement even before surgery, but I am not on a a really strong antibiotic with loads of potential side effects that makes me nervous, its called ciprofloxacin, which they prescribed over the weekend based on the "bug" they found from the plate they removed, so pretty heavyweight drug along with loads of others, anyway so far so good with no effects, lets hope it stays that way

Until next time....thnaks for reading 

Moving on, with lots going on!

 Since my last post a lot has happened and adds to the reason for the sporadic posts these days.

Back to 25th September 2025

I saw Prof. winter and Mr Prabhu (maxilla-facial surgeon) and then went on to see Mr Wilson an oral dentist surgeon. They all agreed that further surgery was required to allow the jaw to realign, but also as this movement had caused a number of my lower teeth to die off they would need to be removed.

The first stage is to remove the existing plate, insert a new stronger (bigger) plate to hold the jaw in place to heal and then evaluate the teeth and what needed to be done with them

1st October

Had my follow up MRI - awaiting the latest results of this

9th October

Had the walk through of the surgery plan with Prof. winter and Mr Prabhu, which pretty much agreed as they had told me earlier, with a date set for the 15th October, so have a date and just look forward to getting this done and moving on with recovery and getting to the end of this shitty year and back into the real world.

I felt that I have missed this year completely as your mind is just focused on getting through this and trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel, with this next step I hope that I can see through the trees and can move on 

15th October

So had the call yesterday to be at the hospital for 11:00am, to which we promptly arrive about 15 minutes early, we wait, and wait, get prep'd for surgery, see the anathaetist and wait, finally they come and tell us that the surgery will have to be cancelled to to complications in an ongoing surgery, after 8 hours! its a bit frustrating but understandable, there is not much you can do when someone else is having a complications and absolutely that needs to be the priority, so yes frustrated, disappointed but have been told it will be a week later.

Mr Prabhu calls me when he is out of the surgery at like 19;30 so he has had a long day, and apologises for the cancellation but assures me that I'll be first on the afternoon list on the 23rd October, so I have a week to wait - thats OK 👍

Nearly the end of September

 and where am I at.....

Well to be honest I am not really sure at the moment! The infection I had has now cleared and my chin no longer looks like a beacon on a lighthouse, but here's the thing it was a mess and it didn't end with just an infection, but I also pulled this out of my chin! what do you think? pretty horrendous really

Yes you've guessed it! its a screw and a bracket. This is pulled out of my jaw as it started to come through my skin and was no doubt something to do with the infection I had.

I saw the doctors who have also told me that my jaw has not fused back together and my teeth are now out of alignment 😝

So you may wonder what they are going to do about it, well based on the fact they have had a look and told me this and there apparent urgent approach to discuss with the max-fax and dental teams its a big NOTHING!

Now I accept that the infection needs to dissipate, but they have the CT Scan a few weeks ago and was expecting a follow up, but no, instead I have a standing appointment this week, where no doubt as in the past it will be loads of what they are thinking and something will happen in another month or so, not ideal as not only was my summer vacation fucked up as I was told to stay home in case I had to go into hospital (which never happened) but this could now screw up my Christmas depending on what if any course of action they take!!!

I have in essence a broken jaw (as its not fused), I have teeth that don't align in my mouth with a bridge that has been loose for months which means I can't chew, and the dental team don't respond, the max-fax team pass it off as a normal thing to happen - which of course it must be normal to pull screws out of your chin!! So, as you can probably read I am not best happy about this situation and for the first time I feel let down by this team - maybe I will be enlightened with a plan on Thursday when I finally see them and the dental guys, but not holding my breath as I am sure it will need further follow up even though by now they should have a plan.

On the plus side, I am beginning to explore more food options, generally liquidised but at least getting some swallowing practice as well as exercises to strengthen my muscles in my throat they do seem to be working even after a few days. Hopefully, once I can chew properly again this will become lot easier and more enjoyable

So lets see what the doc's say this week